Beer and Skittles

I have been feeling a little off.  Unsettled.  Anxious.  At odds with myself, a little unnecessary, out of kilter.

I haven't been able to work out why and it's been bothering me.  I mean,  I should be relishing the peace and freedom that a return to school routine brings.  Aside from having to put together a very last minute mad dash short film application earlier this week that really tested my brain after 6 weeks of summer holiday vagueness, I really have nothing much to do.  But somewhere inside me I felt a panic, like there is something missing, like I have forgotten something really important.

I met a woman on the beach earlier this week and she commented on how she really dreaded the return to school.  Hates routine.  Meanwhile I was thinking, is she insane?  Who wants their kids hanging around all day, eating you out of house and home, leaving their wet bathers and towels in festering piles on bedroom floors, demanding entertainment solutions or lifts here there and everywhere?

But then suddenly it dawned on me.  I miss them.  I am not coping with the abrupt change in tempo. It's too quiet.  The energy of 3 kids in da house is palpable and when it's gone, it all seems pretty dull and lifeless round here.   I had considered dropping them at the school gate last Sunday with a sleeping bag and a sandwich, so how could I be missing them so soon?

I suspect, that somewhere within, resonating deeper than this temporary displacement, the real truth behind my distemper is lurking.  That the end of their holidays means that I have no excuses anymore.  I am pretty good at procrastination.  In fact we had a little sailing dinghy as kids which my Father claims he gave the name "Faffer" as a tribute to my most refined attribute.

The truth is that with the kids out all day, I really do have to get back into my own groove, do all those things I have been putting off till the kids are back at school.  Get back to the gym.  Make plans.  Sort stuff out.  Work out what to do with the rest of my life.  Six hours a day just isn't long enough.  I've spent far too many of those hours this week fooling around on social networking sites and blog hopping.  Hoping that other stuff might just disappear.

It was more fun when the days stretched out ahead with nothing to do but fill the hours as we pleased.  Reminds me of something my Mother used to say a lot when I was a younger girl, in fact she probably still is, wherever she is now.  Life's not all beer and skittles Sim.  Oh, but wouldn't it be great if it were?