Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Four O




Two score.

Two by twenty.

Four decades.

Four by ten.

Forty.

There, I said it.

Hard to believe that only one hundred years ago what was expected for my life, in terms of years, would almost be over. I'd be entering my twilight years.

Nowadays, unless fate has other plans, I am expected to reach the ripe old age of 81.5. What's better is I don't even have to look that age if I choose not to.  So essentially 40 really is middle age.

How are you suppose to feel at middle age? In our minds I am not sure we ever get any older than some point in our twenties perhaps. Aside from being infinitely wiser than I was at twenty (Oh, to have had the knowledge then!),  I feel the same as always.

"Youth is wasted on the young."  said George Bernard Shaw. How we dream at forty to have the bodies and stamina we did at twenty. How I lament at forty that I that I didn't appreciate my youth more at the time (well maybe I did because I do remember having a really fucking good time).

My 30's were pretty challenging. By half way through I had given birth to three (healthy and beautiful) children. I had also lost my Mother. Those two things alone are enough to irreparably scar the body and mind and soul. Etching the strain and pleasure upon our faces as we stumble through the years.

Now I am here at forty. 

I face it with the resolve to not to look backwards, but rather look forward to the decade ahead as a new and exciting adventure. One where I carry with me the lessons and experience of half a lifetime. Feeling more self assured and confident than ever in who I am and what I want.

As Doctor Seuss so splendidly puts it:

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

And that is precisely how I intend to forge ahead.

"I am off to Great Places! 
Today is my day!   
My mountain is waiting, 
So... I'll get on my way!"  

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Mother Land


I feel truly blessed to call Australia home.

She always opens her arms to me when I need her most.

She always opens her arms to embrace her children. Never questioning, never judging. Unconditionally welcoming home all the sisters and brothers unto her warm and nurturing bosom.

Yet she never grips too tightly. Just enough to let you know there is always a place for you in her heart, no matter how far you stray.

Freedom to roam is our national birthright. Global wandering. Following our own particular songlines wherever they may take us. For many of us those lines lead us to prosperity and fulfillment in far off places.

I am grateful for her generosity. For her kindness. For knowing how to heal my wounds. For providing a safe and clean and comfortable sanctuary. For always believing in me. For encouraging me to follow my dreams. For giving me the self confidence and drive to pick myself up and carry on. Always knowing she is there to support me.

I love her like a Mother. It is tumultuous at times. She gets on my nerves just as much as I can't live without her. She is the wind beneath my wings yet living permanently within her clutches is stifling.

Like many Aussie's who choose to live abroad, and especially in loud, crowded, mad places like London there is an enduring lightness to our spirit. An ease with which we are able to face each day, brushing off the dirt and grime that so quickly gathers.

My sister once explained this as a secret we all carry in our souls. A strength and resolve gained from the knowledge that a haven exists for us . A special place to which we may retreat, retire, restore.

I have used her for all of those reasons these last few years. I thank her for that privilege.

When next I call I know she'll put the kettle on and make up my bed, and there will be joy in her heart as she welcomes home another child to recount their adventures.

Wrapping her arms gently around me as I place my head against her chest and feel her warmth. All will be well in the World.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Procrastination is my middle name.

I shouldn't be writing this at all. But rather attending to the pile that is thus:

And thus:


Oh, the crap you accumulate with children.

International movers are coming on Thursday.

It's a quiet child free day and all I want to do is sit here with the heater on my feet whilst sipping a hot cup of coffee and write about all the stuff that's been going on my head.

There are a few projects beckoning too. More furniture makeovers.


I want to strip this beautful cabinet back whilst I still have a garden big enough to handle the fumes.

I spent some of yesterday and Sunday stripping off that horrible baby poo yellow paint they loved in the 60's from this trolley that I salvaged from my Grandfather's estate. It looks so good.


I could have been packing and organising but I found half a can of paint stripper left over from this chair project.


Salvaged from Vinnies for a buck each, a set of these fabulous mid century dining chairs. Stripped and treated and re-upholstered. I am in love.

I'm on a roll.

Unfortunately no room in the London home for this project. It will be available at the garage sale along with these Parker dining chairs I never got round to.


But I have to reel myself back in to the job at hand.

Organising three distinct areas:

One for packing on the ship bound for London town.

Another for the garage sale.

A third for storage.

People ask if I am excited about the move, about returning to London and all that it entails.

Not currently amongst all this chaos.

But I will be. Probably about a day or two before we go and everything here is sorted.

I am definitely looking forward to many things; to change, to new beginnings, to opportunity, to friends and much much more. But that is a whole other post for when this week is over.

Until then, I will be surrounded in cardboard and packing tape and lots of dust and memories.

Friday, May 6, 2011

In Transit

 Image care of Estan Cabigas

So another two month single Mother stint begins.  Hopefully the last for a long while.

Brad's gone on ahead of us.  Back to London.  Launching full tilt back into work.  Preparing a little bit of financial padding before we arrive in July.

He almost didn't leave, which had nothing to do with the usual culprits like killer hangovers and sleeping in.  His plane was grounded for security reasons.  It seems someone had left a mobile phone on the plane.  These days that's enough set off a full blown security panic and totally screw with a whole plane load of passenger's plans.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, the mobile phone owner was experiencing that sinking moment of realisation and panic whilst pulling apart the contents of his bag.

Brad missed his connecting flight in Dubai and is now pacing the halls of the airport.  No doubt cursing the phone dude, but perhaps quietly wondering whether it's his karma after all.

He left his phone at the departure desk during a recent trip. It was 6am, he'd been up drinking all night.  It was a predictable outcome.  I wonder now if a similar security situation occurred.  Whilst he snored and dribbled onto the passenger beside him, back at the airport all hell was breaking loose.


I noticed that a friend had recently joined a new Facebook page entitled something like: Bin Laden is dead, so let me pack my shampoo already!.

Indeed the liquids restriction has been an international travel disaster.  I know it came to play in the hope that it would divert a real disaster.  But the collective heartache and anger it has caused us travellers could surely create enough force to manifest it's very own large scale natural disaster.  I have seen people in tears, fuming with rage as their recently purchased duty free items have been confiscated at security.

When the liquid ban first came down it was a blanket NO LIQUIDS at all.  I often wondered what happened to all those full bottles of Channel perfume I'd see lined up behind the x-ray counters at security.

It must have been a lucrative time to be a security officer at an airport.  A bit like being a waiter in a fine dining restaurant where the tips are revered.  At the end of the shift they all sat around sharing out the days goods.

Later, when the liquids rule changed, it never seemed to be the same set of rules in every country.   What was OK in the UK was not the same in Singapore.  This surely encouraged the continuation of a whole new black market trade in confiscated goods.

I went to Europe last year and stopped to transit in Bangkok.

Transit: a timeless space,  a limbo land.   Where sleepy, discombobulated passengers float about in a daze.  A large cavernous place that echoes with both silence and chatter all at once.  Where an odd energy permeates the air, a mixture of excited anticipation, anxiety and melancholy.


I tend to buy a litre or two of water for the plane ride in whatever airport I am departing.  I have learnt now to only ever do this once past security.  Pay the premium, but at least board the aircraft with my precious hydrating liquid.

Once off the aircraft in Bangkok, before being herded into the transit area, all passengers must first go through security where the usual 'no water bottles' rule applies.  The fact you have clearly just gotten off a plane with that bottle of water in your luggage doesn't seem to count for anything.  But rules are rules.  What are you going to do?  Make a scene? And what time is it anyway?

I found a spot to purchase more agua, a cheap joint on the lower floor away from the Cartier boutiques and overpriced seafood bars. The time was approaching to snap out of the transit fug and find the boarding gate.

As I paced towards the gate I could feel the distance growing between myself and Transit, and with it an increasing sense of direction and purpose.  I really had someplace to go.  A destination awaited me. Suddenly time was relevant again.

But alas, yet another security check ahead.  The Liquids Nazi strikes at the very last hurdle.  I was disgruntled to say the least.  I pleaded.  I disputed.  I made a scene.

In that echoing soundless space my rage was palpable and I didn't care.  The ridiculousness of it all was infuriating.  I threw my unopened water bottle into their clear plastic bags with the most graceful attempt at contempt I could muster.

I realised then why the water was so cheap in that last stop shop.  It's recycled.  All those misguided travellers.  The shop owner has never experienced such a prosperous period of growth in profits.


I've been in transit for a while myself now.  Discombobulated, (how cool, I get to use that word twice in the same post) in the beginning at least.  But this last year or so certainly in limbo, between places.  Seemingly floating, timelessly, through days and weeks.  No fixed direction.  A friend suggested that perhaps that's just how we all feel after having a few kids. There could be some truth in that.

But I know am going somewhere now.  I have a direction. Purpose.  I am heading towards that departure lounge with long, steady confident strides.  A whole new chapter awaits for us to begin.  We are gathering momentum.

Boarding.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Deranged Bunny

 

Dear Mister Easter Bunny, 
Hi how are you? I was just wondering if you could take a photo of yourself on the camera please. And not to be rude or anything, but people say, and there is this movie about what I am about to say called Hop. Does Easter Bunny, you, digest and drop jelly beans out of your backside? Because if it is true can you please do it.
PS You are the best
I will also leave you a carrot
Jack xxoo
 
Jack, who mostly behaves like a world weary ten year old bad ass gangsta rapper, decided to write the Easter Bunny a note.  This suggests that perhaps he still is a child under that tough and cool exterior and that he may still hold onto the vague hope that myths such as EB and Santa might just be real.

However, his innocent and sweet intentions were set to ruin upon the discovery that his seven year old brother had already marked the other side of the page with the following depiction of me:

That's me! Flipping the bird. Naked. Leaking breasts. Dilated pupils. Definitely not a vajazzle in sight. Let's face it, looking pretty unhinged and deranged.

Jack and I were equally disturbed by the discovery of this image and for entirely different reasons. We did however both agree that Easter Bunny probably wouldn't like it and that it might be a good idea to re-write the note on a clean sheet of paper.

The kids discovered this morning that EB doesn't drop jelly beans but bullets instead. It's an Aussie thing.

I've discovered what I really look like through the eyes of my children and have been considering a course of therapy to recover some semblance of sanity and positive self image.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Going for Good


Are you going for good?

I get asked this regularly.  But I am not sure what it really means.  I guess it means; you ain't coming back for a while, are you?  And I guess the answer is probably; no, I guess we ain't.

However, the term 'for good' has such a ring of permanence to it.  I feel that by answering yes we are somehow bound to the decision, we can never return, re-neg or rebound.  Stuck forever in that place we choose to go.


But aren't we all in a state of impermanence?  Anicca.
" Anicca is a Pali word for "impermanent." The Buddha taught that everything conditioned is impermanent. To be conditioned is to be dependent on or affected by something else, and Buddhism teaches that all phenomena, including beings, are conditioned.
The transitory nature of all conditioned things is the basis of life. Because all phenomena are in a state of flux, change is possible. New life is possible, and enlightenment is possible, because of anicca."
As a child I travelled quite a lot.  I don't find the notion of moving house, town or country particularly stressful.  Our reasons for moving weren't motivated by poverty or misfortune.  My experience was always one of adventure and excitement.  I felt safe and secure wherever we went.  I come from a long line of professional global shifters.  Most of the male members of our family having served in the Air Force and others being adventurous entrepreneurs.  All the women adept in packing up house.

So we shift again to the other side of the globe.  The only thing I won't do next time is ship the entire contents of my house.  Travelling light is the key to this global shape shifting gig.

I have had a bit of advice lately on what to take and what to off load.  Some say take only the items that have a real purpose.  In this they refer to something practical I am sure.  But I can't overlook the value in an emotional connection to the pieces we surround ourselves with at home.

This chest of drawers some would argue is completely expendable and readily replaced.


But I created the story behind it.  I salvaged the drawers, then lovingly restored and painted them with a beautiful Farrow and Ball colour.  They also fit perfectly in the alcove beside the bed in our London home.

And what for the trinkets and pictures on top?  They all have meaning and history.  They remind us of who we are and where we have come from.

A friend once suggested that having a single item of furniture that travels with us from home to home would give the kids a sense of continuity.

The piece I chose to fill this job is our kitchen table.  Perhaps a rather large and cumbersome choice I will admit, but there is more to it.


A slab of European oak made to measure.  Slightly wider than the usual measurement and about 6ft long.  A wide matching bench runs down one side to squeeze lots of kiddies upon.  The chairs I recently salvaged and renovated myself.

More than the obvious practical purpose of the table there runs a romantic notion too.  The idea to have one central bit of furniture around which family life evolves.  The focal point for family activities, the heart and soul of the home.

What better item than a kitchen table?  Of course it rarely looks like the photo suggests.  It's usually covered in stuff, the dumping ground, both literally and metaphorically.  It sees and hears everything this table.  It's been around the world!

My romantic vision sees this table staying with us forever.  I am not sure it's even made so well to stand up to the expectations I have put upon it.  Nor do I treat it so well that it should want to stay with us forever.

But already after less than five years the surface is marked with time and memory.  Ink marks and scratches and stains that connect us to our past and remind us of who we are and where we have been, that root us to the place, wherever that might be.

So in packing up this home my guidelines will conform to not only the practical uses for the items selected but their true value in terms of connecting us to our home and to our past, and providing the comfort and stability that allow us to accept and conquer the challenges that lie ahead.

How do you travel? What are your packing guidelines?
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